if i leave tonight, it wont matter, this is how it will go, probably:
my mother will call you late at night, scared that i wasnt in my room. she’ll be pissed, thinking I’m at your house because I’ve been bugging her about it and we’ve been hanging out a lot. you’ll say that you havent seen me in a week. my mother will tell you that i’ve been leaving the house with a smile on my face saying i’m going to have ice cream with him. you’ll stutter and think “where did i lose you,” my mother will call my best friend, trying to figure out what was going inside my head. while calling, she’ll wear her shoes and scratch her head. she’ll look around the whole society, trying to find a place where I could be. you’ll come down too, worried. you’ll try to think, “if i was her, where would i go.” First, you’ll go to the spot where we always made out. then you’ll go to the spot where we had our first date. then you’ll also go to the spot where we had our first fight at, where you tried to figure me out for the first time. but you wont be able to find me. i didnt leave any cookie crumbs for you, anyways. if i wanted to be found, i would never have left. then days will go like this, you and mother trying to find me. my father will be absent as usual. then a week will pass, and you will wonder if I’m still breathing, you will wonder if I’m happy with what I’ve done, you will wonder what I’m doing right now. you’ll still spend 4 hours each day, looking for me. then a month will pass, and now you only spend 2 hours looking for me. my mother has started to blame you, and you are still trying to have hope. mother doesnt eat properly anymore, deep down she blames herself. two months have passed, and you have started talking to her again. and you only spend 2 days a week looking for me. last night, you met her at the place we first met. you thought about me for 3.5 seconds then you started thinking about her perfume. you always said she smelled like dried leaves. its been another week, and you have started hearing screams from my house. now you are wondering if i really did exist. tonight, you thought of kissing her. its been almost 2 and a half months and now you kiss her on a daily basis, she even comes over when your mother isn’t around. you try not to think about me and mother is still trying to have faith but there’s no hope, our english teacher always said they’re very close terms. always inter related but never together for long. like parallel lines curved at the ends, always together for only a while. and tonight when you sneaked into her room, she asked about me, you just murmured, ‘she doesnt live here anymore,’ and went back to playing with her hair. its been almost 7 months now, and everything is back to normal. mother has accepted the fact that i wont be returning, and you have just gotten used to me not being there.
// work of fiction, I’m not leaving, there is no him and i never wanted to leave. work of fiction. don’t think of it in a way it isn’t.
(posting this again bc made some changes so yes lol)