i swear i dont (previously: untitled series, #1)

title courtesy: Cameron D Hamilton (thankyouu, aye)

disclaimer: this is not a writing, this is a 10 pm work and this is not meant to be anything. this might be close to a rant but this is not a rant. i repeat, this is not a rant.

i hate how you still look at me the way you used to but refuse to stay. i hate how i still dream of you. i hate how i miss your touch. i hate how you pretend to love her. i hate how you know i’m not okay. i hate how you’re not doing anything about it. i hate how every song reminds me of you. i hate how you write for her and i for you. i hate how i miss the feel of your body against mine. i hate how our lips used to mould against each other. i hate how the voices inside my head still whisper your name before sleeping. i hate how you used to name them all wrong. i hate how i miss the way your hair used to be so soft against my hands. i hate how you park your car in my space on purpose. i hate how my eyes still look for you in every room i enter. i hate how you made me feel when you left. i hate how you kissed me one last time before leaving. i hate how you didn’t return the mixtapes. i hate how you asked for the feather back. i hate how you tried to talk to me the next day. i hate how you kissed me again after a week. i hate how you didnt stop me when i left. i hate how i kissed another boy with the similar haircut the next day. i hate how my clothes smell like you. i hate how your smell suffocates me. i hate how i keep thinking of you. i hate how i want to be with you all the time. i hate how your jokes still make me laugh. i hate how you’re never going to read this. i hate how you’ll never love me again. i hate how i’ll never be enough again. i hate how i skip lunch to be just like her. i hate how i still think about my blades. i hate how you never look at my wrists anymore. i hate how i’ll always be the one that you left. i hate how I’m scared i’ll never get over you. i hate how i re-read the messages you sent me when i first told you i loved you. i hate how i laugh all the time. i hate how you make me feel. but i don’t hate you, i swear i don’t hate you. but i don’t love you either, i swear i don’t.

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9 Comments Add yours

  1. Wonderfully chaotic, it’s a perfectly poetic rant of the madness love and hate bring us. I remember these feelings well and still experience most of them if I’m honest.
    This will resonate with anyone unfortunate enough to know the perils of falling for another and then losing them.
    You really should title this piece. I think your last line would be very fitting “I swear I don’t…” but that’s just a little thought 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. tee says:

      thankyou so so much, i hope you know all your comments made my day. and yes that’s a wonderful, I’ll definitely change the title because it is indeed very suitable hahah. thankyouu so much tho!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well then my job is done I cam sleep well tonight, I’m glad you appreciated them 😄
        It’s a pleasure reading your work, I was a little apprehensive about the title suggestion, I just thing something as great as nice needs a title to make it complete and you littered the piece with great ideas!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. tee says:

        hahaha thankyou so muchhhhh. and hm, yes i will edit the title.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Happy to be around and remind you how impressive you are!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. tee says:

        hahaha sh

        Liked by 1 person

      5. …🤔 … 😋❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. OMG Its just perfect 🙂 Damn relatable and hands down one of your best works so far.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. tee says:

      wow oh my god, thankyou so much ❤

      Like

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