i’m writing to you again. i dont know what to say. i dont know where to send. i think, i dont know.
it’s been a while. err, hi.
this is too much wow, i cant even write to you now. if you were here, you would have helped. perhaps it would have been weird but i mean, you probably wont mind. or would you?
this is it, i think. i miss you but i cant tell you that. i really wish you didnt leave. your mother still cries a lot, you know? i mean, her eyes are so puffy all the time, it hurts a lot. i bought flowers for you though. dont worry they weren’t roses, i know you hate roses. of course, i still remember. you’re smiling now, arent you? stop. dont get me distracted.
sorry. i’ve written four letters to you and they’re just in trash now. i dont know why i’m hesitating to write to you, i’ve written to you before. you remember, dont you? i hope you do, it was the first time i ever wrote for anyone. i had a reason before and now, i have no idea what to do, everything hurts so much and i keep seeing your face everywhere and everyone misses you and keeps asking what went wrong, i wish i had you to hug me and tell me everything will be okay and shush my thoughts when they got too much. sometimes, when im alone, i talk to you and i imagine what you would say had you been right next to me. it sometimes gets a little hard when i cant remember what exactly you would have said. im scared im starting to forget you. i dont like this. i bought flowers for you yesterday, they’re turquoise and pretty. they reminded me of you. is that even possible? but everything reminds me of you. i just really wish you were here, you know? you would see how everything has changed, it’s so much better now. we could have been stronger, we could have saved each other. i could have saved you. i’m sorry, i didnt try properly. i still dont know how to say this properly without crying but i miss you so much. sometimes i have these weird dreams where everything is okay and you are still here but i wake up and everything haunts me again. i dont know, i’m sorry.
i left flowers for you, i hope you visit soon.